So Loved.

11/02/18 - One Fine Day at Cikampek Toll Road

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28 March 2018 - Nothing but loved. So loved.

I'm Lost.

"I still remember the days I prayed for the things I have now."

I quoted the above sentence just to remind me that I have been in a situation where I was working ambitiously to reach the things that I have now. 

Our after-busy-working-day-call turns out to become very serious when he said that I have been in my comfort zone right now. He advised that I should try any other challenging things just to improve my own self and also to reach the main goal of mine.

Goals. So what is your main goal? I actually asking to myself and I didn't have any specific answer.

When I was at law school, I desired to become a corporate lawyer. I was visualizing myself with business attire, going to one negotiation to other negotiation, advising about business and economic in legal aspect to the client, etc. I was thinking that it was the coolest thing I will ever have. Until i realized that I currently there.

So I'm asking again, is that a goal? I still don't have the answer.

I'm in the crisis to know what I actually want in life. When he was asking me what is my main goal, I just could easily explained every steps and plans that I want to conduct. However, the moment I hung up his phone become a moment of my doubt about all of the plans that I have said.

God, I truly lost.

Moved On (literally).

I have moved to another medium. I don't think that everyone know what are my previous and current medium. But since both of such mediums are open for public so that maybe only certain people who knew it. Maybe someone who really curious or having any purposes with me. Whatever, I don't care with that one. I'm just really sad on why i have to moved.

I moved to another medium due to governmental restriction which does not make any sense to me. It seems unfair to generalized the user of such medium with another trashy user.

Everyone has claimed to bring back such medium, but we don't have any power unless there are any petition or any written statement letter to the government.

There is one of Fiersa Besari's thought at Twitter which explained everything in regards to this matter:

I intentionally searched any kind of porn website on Google and they are still open to be accessed. Congratulations!

The Unexpected One that I'm Forever Grateful

Actually, I never know where life would bring me. I think it is the nature of life itself which will become a mystery to everyone who live. One day, you were planning to close your heart. Next day, it just opened by itself.

I never expect to met him again after a very long time. Moreover, I never expect to love him (again). I once heard that children is the most honest creature. Children mostly speak the truth about something that they really want or feel. Everything comes up from their heart are pure and real. Yes, he is my first love. My childhood’s love.

I know that he must be a different person compare to the first time we met. We were so young at that time and I almost forgot what ages we were. I just remember that there was a day when he came over to me and gave me a love-shape key-chain. Since that day, such key-chain was hanging to my door’s room until I graduated from college. Such key-chain also become a reason why i cannot absolutely forget him even I have went to somewhere else or sticked with someone else. I lost that key-chain two years ago (which is 2016) and at the end of last year (2017), I met him again with the same feeling which I felt approximately 13 years ago.

Once again, I never know where life would bring me sooner or later. I just hope that whatever the end of this story, it will be the best thing that God has plan to me.